touchdown
Written @ 5:05 p.m. on 2005-06-22

I feel like a fucking football being passed around from place to place. I just wish I could find home~I don't seem to know where that is anymore. Home is somewhere you can run to if you've had a bad day, somewhere where you can relax and feel completely comfortable. Not to say that my house doesn't fit most of these purposes, but it just doesn't ever seem to do it.

Sometimes it feels like I don't really have a home...

*sigh* I know that's probably rash of me to say. I have both places and people of comfort...but what does that mean exactly?

Sometimes it takes every drop of energy to restrain myself from getting nostalgic. Days when everything didn't seem so out of place. Ya know what I've noticed though? As much as things may change, there's a certain aspect of everyone and every relationship that will always remain the same. It's always amazed me.

Maybe that's why I like being at work so much. It's completely unrelated to everything else in my life. I can be having a horrible day where everything seems to be going wrong and all my problems start to surface, and then I go to work and all that shit gets left behind. Needless to mention, I'm the youngest person employed there and have since then forged a few close relationships with some of my older coworkers. It's refreshing. They've opened up an outlet where I'm able to just speak my mind and vent my problems without worrying about it leaving the workplace, and in turn receiving wise and comforting words from someone that's definitely been there and beyond and can explain things from a different standpoint. They make me feel...precious.

It's almost embarrassing talking to them about my problems at times. When I'm with them, it makes my problems seem, in hindsight, so...high school. But while these problems may seem petty when looking at the big scheme of things, the feelings that I'm feeling are still very real. I hate it when people discredit that. In eveything, I honestly believe that you get out of something whatever you make it.

Maybe that's why I never really give up.

Now time for song lyrics. yay!

Summer time and the wind is blowing outside
In lower chelsea and I don’t know
What I’m doing in this city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I’m sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That’s when I knew I could never
Have you
I knew that before you did
Still I’m the one who’s stupid
And there’s this burning
Like there’s always been
I never been so alone
And I’ve never bee n so alive
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes
And you don’t mind, you smile
And say the world doesn’t fit with you
I don’t believe you, you’re so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt , you’re guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
And there’s things I’d like to do
That you don’t believe in
I would like to build something
But you never see it happen
And there’s this burning
Like there’s always been
I’ve ne ver been so alone
And i’ve, I’ve never been so alive
And there’s this burning
There is this burning
Where’s the soul I want to know
New york city is evil
The surface is everything but I could never do that
Someone would see through that
And this is our last time
We’ll be friends again
I’ll get over you, you’ll wonder who I am
And there’s this burning
Just like there’s always been
I’ve never been so alone alone
And i’ve, and I’ve never been so alive
So alive
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I’m not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming to take me
Home
And I’ve never been so alone
And I’ve never been so alive
"Motorcycle Drive By"~ Third Eye Blind

There's always a reason to keep smiling.

Much love.

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