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censored I don't think I've ever written a truly angry/upset post before where I just let my feeling flow uncensored...but ya know what? fuck it. I can't conentrate on my band paper that I'm supposed to be writing and I just need to vent. So it's apparently statistically proven that yesterday was the most depressing day of the entire year. What a wonderful week to be born in huh? Ugh...I'm so upset right now. I don't even know if these words will be of any use in expressing how I feel. Ya know...I've realized just how much we lie to ourselves each day. Why? To make ourselves feel better? To give us some sort of security? What? I just don't get it. I don't get how this works. I don't get how one can lie to themselves and pretend all the time. I don't get how people can just treat people that they care about like crap. I don't get why bad things happen to good people. I don't get why the game's all on me. Why is this picture so morphed? Maybe I'm being a brat, maybe I'm missing some sort of "bigger picture" or some shit like that, or maybe, just maybe, I'm completely sane and throuout all this insane frustration, I'm just an upset little girl with curshed spirits that wants a hug and someone to tell me that everything's gonna be ok. I just care. In a way I really don't want people to read what I just wrote up there...it's not a pretty side of myself that I like showing, but yet it's still there. It's me. It's real. It's what I feel at this exact moment. And now that that's out...I'll slap my smile back on and continue supressing these feelings until something comes along to make me forget how much I hate this ambiguity. My birthday's on Thursday...party on Saturday, and ya know what? As much shit as this week can fling at me...Saturday is my day to be queen of the world, and I will trash every care in the world to kick back and have a good time with the people that can really make me smile. Just ask yourself if this is where you want to be. Follow your heart and do what will truly make you happy. 2 days baby. "And when you start you must rely on your own heart. There is more for you. lol why is it that I always start off these things really angry and then end up fine at the end? Maybe that's why I've never successfully written an angry entry. Let's just forget everything I've written up there and party on Saturday shall we? |