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Spinning down down down In the past three days, my life has turned completely upside-down. I just got bitched at by my mom for about an hour about everything that has slightly pissed her off about anything I've done in the past 2 months. I found out that she's been going through my stuff and finding my progress reports and shit and basically...if I don't get my shit together, I'm on lock-down until my grades improve. It's weird...I'm so used to defending myself against all the unreasonable accusations my mom makes at me...but today, I just sat there and took it when she was yelling at me. I'm sick of defending myself. I've been too emotionally drained to do more than stare at her and fall into a never-ending pit of feeling more and more like shit than previously thought fathomable. *sigh* I can't stop crying...I don't know why. I haven't felt this horrible in the longest time imaginable. I feel so...lost and betrayed and hurt and lied to and helpless and just....tired. Why me? Why now? I feel like there's nothing left of me to do than throw myself at my books and forget everything else. Become some sort of robot that just goes on. That's what I feel like right now... I have a world of things that need to be said...but no more energy to say anything. So I'll just sit and stare at this screen of words and just take it. *sigh* to everyone who has put a smile on my face lately...thank you. YOU are the people that mean the world to me...especially when I feel like I'm about to pop a stitch from laughing so hard. Oh...and special thanks to Jacob for LETTING ME DRIVE HIS CAR. Jennifer's lesson #1 on driving stick shift- I got it into 2nd gear baby! lol...I still can't believe you let ME drive your car...dang hun (you are a good teacher though...even when I stall like 20 times). Now I shall go sit in my room, turn off all the lights and listen to sad, depressing emo music and crave ice cream. ~Love, Jen ...and this entire time you don't know how much you've hurt me.... |