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The Elegant Pixie *yawn* ok...so my sleeping patterns officially suck, but that's ok. There's something about being awake and online at 4 am. Hmm...I like. I think the fights I've been having with my mom have subsided for a while (hopefully). She mentioned something about how vitamins B6 and B12 help with being so emotional and how she ran out of her multiviamins like...3 weeks ago, so I guess that explains a lot. heh...luckily she went and got some this week and amazingly so far things around the house have been running a lot smoother. I bought my dad Wynton Marsalis: Live at the Village Vanguard for Father's Day. Listening to it in Barnes and Noble reminded me of a night over winter break were I spent the night over at Anu's and she put on another one of his CDs while we were going to bed. I remember not being able to fall asleep, so I lied there starring at the ceiling yet feeling so relaxed...he really is amazing. Again...there's something about being awake so late...like the entire world is asleep. I dunno why I'm suddenly obsessed with thinking about this right now. Maybe because I'm outta my mind for being up so late...who knows. Things have been very good lately. I mean...I have a couple things that I would like to fix, but don't we all? I haven't really found the energy to right those few wrongs, or if I should even waste the energy. I sometimes want to kick myself in the face for being so compassionate and unyielding when so much shit happens. But then other times I don't...it may be stupid of me or even a waste of time, but I've learned that sometimes it's worth getting over self-riteous stubborness. Sometimes. Especially when through all the backstabbing deceit and fakeness, you care about that person. In those cases people should learn to be more forgiving. There's some Anne Frank quote: " Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." I guess that's like the story of my life, or at least I like to live by that. I guess I like to sit back and put my rose-tinted shades on and look at the world from there. It's nice, but definitely not reality. Which is sad, yet why not try and make the best of what you got? You have nothing to lose and you can't sit there and expect happiness to come find you. I guess when you think of it, things are only as bad as you make them out to be. I'm unshakeable...it's perfect. I've had this song stuck in my head for a few days now...I really like the lyrics too: I think I'm drowning Asphyxiated I wanna break this spell That you've created You're something beautiful A contradiction I wanna play the game I want the friction You will be the death of me You will be the death of me Bury it I won't let you bury it I won't let you smother it I won't let you murder it Our time is running out Our time is running out You can't push it underground You can't stop it screaming out I wanted freedom Bound and restricted I tried to give you up But I'm addicted Now that you know I'm trapped Since ovulation You'd never dream of Breaking this fixation You will squeeze the life out of me Chorus How did it come to this? Ooooohh ~Muse Blegh...I found out that Lollapalooza is on a Tuesday/Wednesday and since we have school I wouldn't be able to go anyways. Oh well...more money to put towards better causes I guess. It's sad...I thought you were so much better than that. I wish I was wrong. candor- (noun) brilliance, purity; freedom from prejudice or malice compulsion- (noun) an irresistable impulse to perform an irrational act; act of compelling Don't we all love Karen Dillards? haha...I'm sooo gonna rock the SAT. Anyways...I'm out kiddies! The night doesn't last forever. Much love, Jen |