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Longing It's funny...sometimes I hate reading people's entries that gush with sappy happiness, yet I write them all the time. For some reason reading them...it seems so fake, or surreal..yet I can write it KNOWING and feeling that emotion and wanting to capture it...or something like that...anyways~time for a happy entry. (ok...this might take me awhile to write...I'm being extremely distracted at the moment..which means I'm gonna get off topic a lot~just a warning) Hm where to start? Oh yes...sorry if I kinda start neglecting this thing a little bit...I'll definitely keep on writing (not like it would matter too much...but hey I know a few people read this thing), but I've started a private diary (on tape cuz it's fun that way). I dunno...in here it's good to jot down a couple feelings, and at times let the world (or a few specific people) know exactly what you're thinking, but there are those times (many lately) where I just wanna spill EVERYTHING I'm feeling, and I don't think I can really do that in here knowing that some people are going to read it. Maybe I don't want to be that exposed. And plus, I get to rewind and watch myself ramble (haha ok I'm a dork). But really...it helps. Anyways...I was in the car on the way to dance tonight and as I was leaving the house I was listening to "This Year's Love" by David Gray (really good song...thanks David lol), and it's really amazing how music, even just one song, can put you in a certain mood. I was sitting in the car (in a sappy sort of mood) thinking about stuff that's been going on lately. A lot of people have been feelng lonely lately~myself included. I'm hoping that my phase has passed (I'm pretty sure it has *fingers crossed*), yet when I step back and look it everything, I think I understand and it all gets fuzzy. *sigh* nobody should feel alone. You know that feeling when everything seems to make sense, and fit, and you're just HAPPY~you feel whole and there's not something missing. I'm striving for that feeling again. I'm trying to think back to the last time I felt that way. I'm not exactly sure when this was, but I remember we were studying subsahara africa in ap geo, and it was the night before the test and I was on the phone studying and everything in the world just fit. Do you ever have flashbacks of like a random 2 minute clip of your life that is just so...happy, and you replay them over and over again in your head? Ok well I do, there are about 3 that stick out in my mind. I guess I use that as some escape~a reminder that it's still there. Got off track (damnit) Ok the title: I was thinking about this in the car. Longing-it beats you on the head repeatidly until you wanna cry, yet is such a blessing (ok in my opinion). All of a sudden that doesn't seem to fit with anything I've been saying, but that was the actualy point of this entry kinda sorta. It all ties in with the song. Made me feel it. Being online is interesting...I bet people had never thought about having like 10 conversations at once. Hmmm...you people confuse me. It's all craziness anyways. Hmm...or maybe just some hopeful longing? |